Realistic Self-Care
If one more person tells us we need to take care of ourselves, we’re going to scream.
We hear it all the time, from friends, neighbors, family members, even our doctors. And they always think they’re being clever when they follow it up with that tired old airplane analogy: “Put your own oxygen mask on first.” Ugh.
We get it. We know self-care matters. But knowing it and having the time, space, and energy to actually do something about it are two very different things. Most of us are already stretched thin, juggling caregiving with jobs, parenting, and life. So when someone reminds us to “make time for ourselves,” it can feel like just another thing on an already impossible to-do list, and frankly, it can make us feel resentful.
Here’s what often happens: we push our own needs aside, again. We tell ourselves we’ll get to them later. But later doesn’t come. Instead, we reach for the little things that soothe us in the moment: a scroll through our phones, something sweet to eat, (I ate a pound of M&M’s after time visiting my mother in the nursing home), maybe zoning out with the TV. And while none of those things are “bad,” they’re not always the kind of self-care that truly nourishes or sustains us over time.
The truth is, we don’t need another lecture; we need something practical, manageable, and kind. Real self-care doesn’t have to mean booking a retreat or finding hours of free time we don’t have. It can start with one small step. Maybe it’s asking a friend to stay with our loved one for 20 minutes once a week so we can take a walk. Perhaps it’s saying yes when someone offers help, even if accepting help makes us uncomfortable. It could be as simple as sitting in silence with a cup of tea and taking a few minutes to breathe before diving into the next task.
The point is: Self-care counts. And it’s worth it. And so are we.
Let’s start by answering a few questions:
- How do I define self-care?
- What do I want my self-care to do for me? Give me time for myself? Concentrate on my own health and fitness?
- Right now, what do I need most?
- How am I currently taking care of myself? What is working for me?
- How would I like to start caring for myself?
- Do I need help? Who can I ask for help?
After reviewing your answers, can you see one thing you could do that would fit in your schedule? Set an actionable goal for yourself. Give it a time frame and a way of measuring success. E.g.: I will take a 15-minute walk twice a week for one month. Start small and reward yourself when you reach your goal.
In Caregiving Reimagined: A Practical and Spiritual Guide for Family Caregivers, I provide additional ideas and support for creating a self-care plan that truly works in the reality of our daily lives. Let’s stay connected. I’d love to help you find what works for you.
You can reach me at cc*****************@***il.com, or follow me on Facebook at Claudia Cassidy Bennett, Ph.D., OT, and on Instagram at @caregivingreimagined.
Please, continue to take care of yourself and others,
Claudia